I don't really know where to begin. Lately, many people have been asking me how's it going, what's new, etc. The truth is, and my answer has been, the same old stuff. I haven't had anything new going on. I guess that's not necessarily a good or a bad thing; it's just currently what's going on. I'm still doing my show, which is going well, and I love it. Working pretty much everyday. Some days I love it, some days I want to up and quit - that comes with any job, I suppose. I guess all of this is better than "bad." It could be a whole lot worse. I'm content. I think what I need to do is maybe schedule new things to do on evenings or my days off. Find something that I have not seen yet here in LA (which is a lot) and maybe venture out and discover. Why not, right? Wake up a little earlier and take a walk or something. The past few weeks have been so muddled with emotions and crazy events that I haven't really had a chance to just sit and live, like I always talk about doing. It's time to do that.
The other day, I didn't feel like sitting in my apartment anymore, so I got in my car and I drove. I had no idea where I was going. I ended up at Runyon Canyon, a hiking trail area. It was so beautiful. There was a lot of grass, trees, flowers, people, dogs. I, of course, was not in hiking apparel, so I found this old staircase looking thing, and sat down. I let the sun warm my skin. I let my ipod fill me with feel-good music. I wrote...whatever words flowed from my hand. It was actually such a perfect afternoon. Simplistic. Unplanned. Freeing.
Lately, I've been feeling like something is in the air...everyone has been acting strange, it seems. People have been a little more rude, a little more cranky. I have no idea what it is, but it's like a plague and needs to go away. One person has it, and it spreads like a virus. Gross. That's what I've been dealing with lately. For some reason, I feel like I've been an easy target. Maybe because of my extreme vulnerability because of everything else going on in my life? eh. Maybe. Who knows. What I do know, is that I'm done with that. Time to move on...
I may have some visitors coming in the future, which is pretty exciting. Christian, one of my co-workers at the pool, might be here for a few days the first week in March. Nikki asked if she could come during her spring break in April. Jamie is supposed to be coming mid-March, I believe. I'm so excited to see people. It'll definitely be a great time and nice to see friendly faces. :)
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
Dreams
My car was parallel parked in between a blue 4 door sedan and a black pick up truck. I opened the driver's side door and got into my Black Ford Focus; new car smell still wafting its aroma still after four months of ownership. I attempted to pull out of my spot as my fingers were fumbling to turn on my manual front head lights. Traffic was clear. I pulled out. For some odd reason, my fingers could not find the nob for the lights. I felt like I was fading, like I was in between falling asleep and reality. I found the lights. My car began to veer to the right as my acceleration picked up to about 30 or 40. I knew exactly what was happening, but had no way to control the situation. I was veering off of the road. I knocked out the guard rail on the exit ramp. I passed the signs you generally see on the highway exit ramp. There were houses to my left past the expressway, as well as a green grassy median. As my car was about to come to a halt because of whatever it was that it was about to hit; I blacked out...
I woke up curled up in a ball, clutching my sheets and sweating profusely. It was all a dream...a very vivid and real dream. Did I just have a stroke in my dream? Did I just die in my dream? Was I about to die in my dream? I don't feel this is dream is a premonition, however, it does require me to stop and think about it...and life. Maybe it is a sign, a sign to slow down. Am I coasting through life right now, halfway in reality and halfway on auto pilot? Am I veering to a point where I am losing control? I wouldn't go as far to say that. However, I do think that a part of me has been a little on the negative side because of the daily frustrations and hardships that have been occurring throughout the past couple of weeks that sort of involved...well, everything. That's ok, though. Life is supposed to present challenges. The true test is how you overcome them. The day after this dream, I had my morning cup of coffee...and walked to work. I felt as though a load had been lifted off of shoulders. I felt like a new person with a new aura and a new positive outlook. Maybe a part of me really did die? Maybe not. Either way, it opened my eyes, subconsciously and consciously, and for that, I am thankful.
I had an audition today for a new reality singing show. I got to bypass the open call line because I had an appointment. I found it crazy how people had camped out there the entire morning, and probably all day, to sing maybe 20 seconds of their song. It was a very interesting experience, though, and I'm glad that I had the opportunity. I got to sing, oh, maybe 4 bars of my song and then a "Thank you" came from the casting director. I think I did fine for what I sung, however, I have no idea if it was even close to enough to know if I could even hold a tune. Meh. I'm glad I had the chance to sing. Here's something I did realize, however, that I'm really glad for. So, the last time I stood in front of a microphone and sang was in February of last year when I sang for that benefit performance for the SAVE Animal Foundation. I used to always be nervous and scared when it was me behind a microphone singing...as myself...not as a character. Well, today, we had to sing in the middle of a "stage" area in a sound room. We had the microphone stand, the amplifiers; it was as if I was singing on stage to a room of 10 people...music people. I wasn't nervous. In fact, I enjoyed it. I grabbed the mic, looked around, and enjoyed myself. WHAT?! Yes, it's true. I loved it. I loved holding the mic, I loved owning the stage, I loved singing my song, and I loved having my moment. My nervous energy was transformed into performance energy and I could myself radiating around the room. Amazing. I have come sooooo far in reference to so many things in life and so many things performance related, but for me to be so comfortable singing with a microphone, too? Rock on. That is pretty exciting news.
I have an audition for a short film tomorrow that I am really excited about. It sounds like a pretty awesome project, and the audition is pretty unconventional, but right up my alley. One of the things we have to do is a monologue, but not from a play or movie or anything; instead, it has to be from a story, poem, or lyric. I am doing a monologue from "The Alchemist;" I've copied it down below for you to read, because it's pretty sweet.
"It is not love to be static like the desert. Nor is it love to roam the world like the wind. And it's not love to look at everything from a distance, like you do. Love is the force that transforms and improves the Soul of the World. When I first reached through to it, I thought the Soul of the World was perfect. Later, I could see that it was like every other aspect of creation; it has its passions and its wars. It is we who nourish the Soul of the World, and the world will become either better or worse, depending on whether we become better or worse. And that's the power of love. Because when we love, we always strive to be better than we are."
I spoke of Kyle's untimely death last week. This week, my Auntie Ann passed away. She was a beautiful woman with a kind soul and a heart of gold; she was my Grandma's sister. I wish I was at home with the family right now, but circumstances lead me to stay here. That's ok - I am sending my love, thoughts, and prayers that way all the way from the West Coast. I believe that is just as strong, if not stronger, than an actual physical presence. May you rest in peace, Auntie Ann; you will be missed by everyone that has had the pleasure to have been enlightened by your smile.
Love.
I woke up curled up in a ball, clutching my sheets and sweating profusely. It was all a dream...a very vivid and real dream. Did I just have a stroke in my dream? Did I just die in my dream? Was I about to die in my dream? I don't feel this is dream is a premonition, however, it does require me to stop and think about it...and life. Maybe it is a sign, a sign to slow down. Am I coasting through life right now, halfway in reality and halfway on auto pilot? Am I veering to a point where I am losing control? I wouldn't go as far to say that. However, I do think that a part of me has been a little on the negative side because of the daily frustrations and hardships that have been occurring throughout the past couple of weeks that sort of involved...well, everything. That's ok, though. Life is supposed to present challenges. The true test is how you overcome them. The day after this dream, I had my morning cup of coffee...and walked to work. I felt as though a load had been lifted off of shoulders. I felt like a new person with a new aura and a new positive outlook. Maybe a part of me really did die? Maybe not. Either way, it opened my eyes, subconsciously and consciously, and for that, I am thankful.
I had an audition today for a new reality singing show. I got to bypass the open call line because I had an appointment. I found it crazy how people had camped out there the entire morning, and probably all day, to sing maybe 20 seconds of their song. It was a very interesting experience, though, and I'm glad that I had the opportunity. I got to sing, oh, maybe 4 bars of my song and then a "Thank you" came from the casting director. I think I did fine for what I sung, however, I have no idea if it was even close to enough to know if I could even hold a tune. Meh. I'm glad I had the chance to sing. Here's something I did realize, however, that I'm really glad for. So, the last time I stood in front of a microphone and sang was in February of last year when I sang for that benefit performance for the SAVE Animal Foundation. I used to always be nervous and scared when it was me behind a microphone singing...as myself...not as a character. Well, today, we had to sing in the middle of a "stage" area in a sound room. We had the microphone stand, the amplifiers; it was as if I was singing on stage to a room of 10 people...music people. I wasn't nervous. In fact, I enjoyed it. I grabbed the mic, looked around, and enjoyed myself. WHAT?! Yes, it's true. I loved it. I loved holding the mic, I loved owning the stage, I loved singing my song, and I loved having my moment. My nervous energy was transformed into performance energy and I could myself radiating around the room. Amazing. I have come sooooo far in reference to so many things in life and so many things performance related, but for me to be so comfortable singing with a microphone, too? Rock on. That is pretty exciting news.
I have an audition for a short film tomorrow that I am really excited about. It sounds like a pretty awesome project, and the audition is pretty unconventional, but right up my alley. One of the things we have to do is a monologue, but not from a play or movie or anything; instead, it has to be from a story, poem, or lyric. I am doing a monologue from "The Alchemist;" I've copied it down below for you to read, because it's pretty sweet.
"It is not love to be static like the desert. Nor is it love to roam the world like the wind. And it's not love to look at everything from a distance, like you do. Love is the force that transforms and improves the Soul of the World. When I first reached through to it, I thought the Soul of the World was perfect. Later, I could see that it was like every other aspect of creation; it has its passions and its wars. It is we who nourish the Soul of the World, and the world will become either better or worse, depending on whether we become better or worse. And that's the power of love. Because when we love, we always strive to be better than we are."
I spoke of Kyle's untimely death last week. This week, my Auntie Ann passed away. She was a beautiful woman with a kind soul and a heart of gold; she was my Grandma's sister. I wish I was at home with the family right now, but circumstances lead me to stay here. That's ok - I am sending my love, thoughts, and prayers that way all the way from the West Coast. I believe that is just as strong, if not stronger, than an actual physical presence. May you rest in peace, Auntie Ann; you will be missed by everyone that has had the pleasure to have been enlightened by your smile.
Love.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
The Importance of...
It's important to remember to slow down. Today, while walking to my car, on the same street I've walked down for three months now, I noticed a large orange apartment complex. How had I never noticed this before? It was beautiful, well kept, large, and on the corner. All of the times I passed this corner, I never noticed it? It was a reminder to slow down and take in my surroundings. How many times do we, as individuals, travel the same course, but never actually notice what's on along the path?
There was this woman that came into Starbucks today. I was doing something and looked up and said "WHOA! I Love your energy!" She smiled. Have you ever encountered someone that just as amazing, good energy and it kinds throws you off because it's so strong? Well, this girl today had it. I then responded with "you have such goof energy!" She responded with "You have really white teeth! and a great smile!" ha. I absolutely love, love, love encountering people with amazing energies. She kind of reminded me of my friend, Denita's energy. It's positive, warm, strong, and crazy. Amazingness rolled into one.
Tonight, I had a "Me" night. This entailed me grabbing Thai food. I came home. Threw on some of my meditation music. Meditated. Lit some incense. Had some wine. And talked to a good friend. This is the most relaxed I've felt in weeks. I've had a trying past week; however, we need to remember in those hard times to stay strong and be true to ourselves. I've cleansed myself of the negative and the hurt. I think it's important to do these things - to just relax in this fashion; to meditate. It clears the mind, it takes you away from the world and all of the insanity. It brings you closer to you. I have good things in my future, I just need to keep sending out that positivity.
I'm re-reading The Alchemist...for the 6th time? "When a person is in pursuit of his personal legend, all the world conspires to help this person accomplish his dream." I don't find it crazy or even weird that I have read this book so many times. I love it. I find so many different things in it each time. However, when I tell people that I've read this book so many times, they think it's crazy...or weird. Let them. I do what I do; they do what they do. I am on a quest for my own personal legend, also.
My note to you for the evening - sit. close your eyes. breathe in good energy. exhale the bad. allow your thoughts to wander. to drift. allow your mind to clear. allow yourself to listen to your own heart. to be at one with the soul of the world.
There was this woman that came into Starbucks today. I was doing something and looked up and said "WHOA! I Love your energy!" She smiled. Have you ever encountered someone that just as amazing, good energy and it kinds throws you off because it's so strong? Well, this girl today had it. I then responded with "you have such goof energy!" She responded with "You have really white teeth! and a great smile!" ha. I absolutely love, love, love encountering people with amazing energies. She kind of reminded me of my friend, Denita's energy. It's positive, warm, strong, and crazy. Amazingness rolled into one.
Tonight, I had a "Me" night. This entailed me grabbing Thai food. I came home. Threw on some of my meditation music. Meditated. Lit some incense. Had some wine. And talked to a good friend. This is the most relaxed I've felt in weeks. I've had a trying past week; however, we need to remember in those hard times to stay strong and be true to ourselves. I've cleansed myself of the negative and the hurt. I think it's important to do these things - to just relax in this fashion; to meditate. It clears the mind, it takes you away from the world and all of the insanity. It brings you closer to you. I have good things in my future, I just need to keep sending out that positivity.
I'm re-reading The Alchemist...for the 6th time? "When a person is in pursuit of his personal legend, all the world conspires to help this person accomplish his dream." I don't find it crazy or even weird that I have read this book so many times. I love it. I find so many different things in it each time. However, when I tell people that I've read this book so many times, they think it's crazy...or weird. Let them. I do what I do; they do what they do. I am on a quest for my own personal legend, also.
My note to you for the evening - sit. close your eyes. breathe in good energy. exhale the bad. allow your thoughts to wander. to drift. allow your mind to clear. allow yourself to listen to your own heart. to be at one with the soul of the world.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Life...
One year ago today Kyna's life was cut short. She was a beautiful soul who touched so many lives. Today, Kyle Holton's life was cut short. He had one of the biggest hearts and enjoyed making people laugh and smile.
I talk of living life in so many of these blogs. I talk of taking in your surroundings, of appreciating the people you have in your life, of having a positive outlook, of sending out good energy, of flashing a smile, of laughing, of coffee talks and socializing and friends. I talk of a life that is worth living, a life that is lived, a life that has soul; a soul that gets touched by others, that touches other lives, that breathes in the air, the energy, the world, the sky, the ocean. I talk of life. Living each moment.
Tell the people you love, you love them.
Flash a smile to a stranger.
Tell someone just how much you appreciate them.
Start that diet today, so that you may continue to live tomorrow to see your children or grandchildren.
Pursue your dreams with vivacity and courage.
Take the time to appreciate the little things.
Remember to breathe.
Live every day to its fullest because you never know when it just may be your last...
Rest in Peace, Kyle. You have touched a great number of lives and you will never be forgotten.
I talk of living life in so many of these blogs. I talk of taking in your surroundings, of appreciating the people you have in your life, of having a positive outlook, of sending out good energy, of flashing a smile, of laughing, of coffee talks and socializing and friends. I talk of a life that is worth living, a life that is lived, a life that has soul; a soul that gets touched by others, that touches other lives, that breathes in the air, the energy, the world, the sky, the ocean. I talk of life. Living each moment.
Tell the people you love, you love them.
Flash a smile to a stranger.
Tell someone just how much you appreciate them.
Start that diet today, so that you may continue to live tomorrow to see your children or grandchildren.
Pursue your dreams with vivacity and courage.
Take the time to appreciate the little things.
Remember to breathe.
Live every day to its fullest because you never know when it just may be your last...
Rest in Peace, Kyle. You have touched a great number of lives and you will never be forgotten.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Living each moment...
Yesterday, I met up with Melissa and we walked along the beach and then grabbed a margarita. (Apparently, margaritas on a Sunday afternoon are becoming our regular thing.) It was such an amazing way to end the week...or start the new one...however you'd like to look at it. Relaxing. Carefree. Fun. And in good company. What's fascinating about this new friendship is that I have known Melissa since I went to Western...so, what, 7 years? I've hung out with her on a number of occasions, but we've never delved deep into conversations. What is amazing, is how much we have in common, with everything. It's so rare to find someone who you can talk with about anything and everything, speculations, ideas, the current moment, whatever it is; the people you can sit with for hours on end. It is sooooo nice. This is what I LOVED about my friends in NYC; if you went out for a drink, you'd be there for hours...with the same drink...because you were so into the conversation. This is one of my favorite things to do - grab a drink with a good friend, and just talk, but not talking for talking's sake, but really, really talking about life, and everything else. Being able to breathe in the moment and allow your thoughts and feelings to flow is such a wonderful feeling.
I woke up today and felt good. Really good. I went on my computer. I saw that the nominations for the Oscars are coming out tomorrow. I saw a review on the film I was an extra on this summer that opened at Sundance. I smiled. I smiled so big. I felt an energy surge through me that I haven't felt in a while. A wonderful, exciting, thrilling energy; one that said "you're in the right place." It said that I am "on my way." This may sound weird to you and maybe some people, but I really really listen to myself, to my heart, to the earth, to God, to everything. In the book "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coehlo (which I have referenced before), he talks of the boy speaking to the soul of the world and speaking the language of the world. Everyone is capable of speaking the language of the world. This happens when you see someone and understand their emotions, understand their feelings, and the other person doesn't have to say a word. By being one with yourself, and really centered within your own body, you are able to listen to the soul of the world, and in turn listen to your heart. It speaks. It guides you. You just have to stop and allow yourself to listen. To live in the moment.
Yesterday, I had a beautiful day of just walking, listening to the waves crashing on the shore, allowing the sun to beat down on my face and arms, feeling the sand and the water underneath my feet and between my toes, and I breathed in that salty and fresh air. The thing about this, is I allowed myself to really live in these moments. I took it all in. I smelled, I felt, I listened, I touched; I took it all in. So many times we forget to just take in everything around us and really live in the moment. You never know what you may be missing if you tune out everything around you.
On that note, I'm going to leave you with a story that a friend of mine put on her facebook page. I, in turn, put it on mine. I apologize if you have already read it, but I feel it's one of those stories that deserves to be read again anyway. It's relevant and eye opening.
I woke up today and felt good. Really good. I went on my computer. I saw that the nominations for the Oscars are coming out tomorrow. I saw a review on the film I was an extra on this summer that opened at Sundance. I smiled. I smiled so big. I felt an energy surge through me that I haven't felt in a while. A wonderful, exciting, thrilling energy; one that said "you're in the right place." It said that I am "on my way." This may sound weird to you and maybe some people, but I really really listen to myself, to my heart, to the earth, to God, to everything. In the book "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coehlo (which I have referenced before), he talks of the boy speaking to the soul of the world and speaking the language of the world. Everyone is capable of speaking the language of the world. This happens when you see someone and understand their emotions, understand their feelings, and the other person doesn't have to say a word. By being one with yourself, and really centered within your own body, you are able to listen to the soul of the world, and in turn listen to your heart. It speaks. It guides you. You just have to stop and allow yourself to listen. To live in the moment.
Yesterday, I had a beautiful day of just walking, listening to the waves crashing on the shore, allowing the sun to beat down on my face and arms, feeling the sand and the water underneath my feet and between my toes, and I breathed in that salty and fresh air. The thing about this, is I allowed myself to really live in these moments. I took it all in. I smelled, I felt, I listened, I touched; I took it all in. So many times we forget to just take in everything around us and really live in the moment. You never know what you may be missing if you tune out everything around you.
On that note, I'm going to leave you with a story that a friend of mine put on her facebook page. I, in turn, put it on mine. I apologize if you have already read it, but I feel it's one of those stories that deserves to be read again anyway. It's relevant and eye opening.
THE SITUATION
In Washington , DC , at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.
About 4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.
At 6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
At 10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action wasrepeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.
At 45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.
After 1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.
This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Postas part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.
This experiment raised several questions:
*In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
*If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . . ..
How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?
Sunday, January 23, 2011
The people we meet
This week has been a week of people...of meeting new people, of being acquainted with old friends, of making new friends, and learning new things about people. Throughout all of this, I have had my moments of happiness, of frustration, of understanding, of misunderstanding, but most of all, of being in touch with my own emotions. My own vulnerability. It's funny that I say "vulnerability" because just yesterday, at the conclusion of the week of all of this stuff, I received a video in an e-mail from Valerie telling me I needed to watch it. It was a researcher who studied people and their connections. Through it, she realized that the people who were most vulnerable, who were most eager to admit their feelings, to make connections, were the ones that were most happy and ok with themselves...they were ok with their vulnerability. Most people hide it and attempt to lock it away and not allow themselves to feel feelings or emotions that are not fun to emote. Crazy, right?
This week was also a week of moves. I met up with Melissa and her friend Rachel on Sunday. Melissa is Jamie's best friend from high school, and I have hung out with her on many occasions throughout the past 8 years. She just moved here so I met up. It's amazing how you can meet up with someone that you don't know super well, but everything clicks. The three of us had an amazing afternoon of just talking, laughing, and relaxing. It was actually really, really nice. Sometimes, it can be so hard to find people who share the same beliefs in life as you and are really just about living every day. Sounds weird, but it's kind of rare. Their good energy resonated with mine and I'm really looking forward to this friendship with them in the future.
Alaina moved here earlier this week. Alaina and I were friends at Wayne State. We were in shows together at the Bonstelle, and also shared the same African Dance class. She is a great energy to be around and I can always count on laughing a lot with her. I haven't really talked to her in the past couple of years, but I'm really glad she reached out to me when she moved here. She's a great actress and an extremely driven individual. She's leaving some of her stuff at my place while she apt searches. Luckily for her, though, she was able to transfer to the Red Lobster here in LA. So, she has a job after only a few days. NICE. When you're meant to be somewhere, it works out.
I picked up Crystal from the airport on Wednesday; she's in town just for the weekend...leaving today actually. We spent the car ride catching up on things. It was so nice to be hanging out with her again. Thursday I met up with her and her friend, Jayson, at a restaurant for dinner and drinks. It was such a great time, and here's why. We talked about everything. Of successes, of trials, of tribulations, of obstacles, of breakthroughs. Jayson is also an actor, and is now currently a co-star on a tv show. However, it took him a bit to get there. I already knew Crystal's story, but Jayson told me his. It was so nice to have someone just open up about probably one of the hardest parts of his lives. It was nice to hear, and sort of reassuring...if you believe it, you can do it. A lot of times, it's luck, but most of it is your heart. He was discussing this acting class that he was taking with this brilliant woman, and it sounded so similar to the things we did at Studio 5 that I absolutely loved. It was all about developing and honing in more on the imagination to create the character and the environment. He's supposed to give me more info on it...and as soon as I have a little extra cash, I'm signing up. What's amazing about this, is that a lot of people, and even actors, look at this type of class and kind of shrug it off. What they don't realize is that you need to have an expansive imagination, as well as the ability to tap into it, to make your acting incredible. If you believe it, the audience will believe it. This is a group of actors that I have found that believe in the same things I do, love the idea of amazing acting and continuously shaping your craft, and the ideal of doing more than the best you can do. These are the type of people I need to surround myself around as actors, and I have. Such an amazing evening.
On the contrary to the previous paragraph, you'd find it remarkable how many people move out here to be actors because they're pretty or beautiful. What people don't realize is that acting isn't just something you jump into; it's an actual profession. There's a lot that is involved with it. Mind you, these people may be cast because of their looks, but will their careers still be around in 50 years? Who's to say? What I do know, is that you get out of it what you put into it, like I say about anything. Fame and fortune shouldn't be the reason you act...you should be doing it because it is the one thing that you cannot see yourself living without.
I received a text from Whitney yesterday saying that she and Marnie talked to the new marketing directors at The Hallmark to find a way to bring me back for the second performance of "Tuesdays at 4" in March. They're currently working it out. How amazing is that?! I almost started crying because of the generosity and pure love of this project that everyone has now, and the belief in it. I don't know if I had mentioned this before, but after our first performance, we got asked to do a performance at NYU's Rusk Institute. So, they're in preparation for this performance. Obviously, I would love to be there, but finances are kind of holding me back. However, now, I may be able to go. We will see, and time will tell. What an amazing journey this will be, though. At this same exact time, I received a facebook message from a friend saying he is going to be working with a company in a few months that works a lot with the major studios and will try to help me in any way he can. It's amazing how people want to reach out and help in any way they can...I guess with sending out good energy, you must get good energy back in return. I try not to emit negative energy or thoughts...I mean, all it does is get in the way of what you're doing, what other people are doing, and just make for a miserable time for all. Why not smile, and fill someone with joy or happiness...such a better way to live.
When I first moved to California, the self confidence I had built within myself was sort of waning. It was sort of pushed down and concealed. It took me a bit, but I'm now at a good place with my self confidence again. Not just in acting, but in anything. I believe in myself. I believe in the things that I say, the disagreements that I make, the choices I make. That's such a big thing and a huge part of what makes each of individuals. I also cannot take on other roles if I don't first understand who I am or believe in myself. If I don't believe in myself, how can I believe in someone else/a character? Exactly. I'm continuing on the right path and I'm extremely excited about it.
This week was also a week of moves. I met up with Melissa and her friend Rachel on Sunday. Melissa is Jamie's best friend from high school, and I have hung out with her on many occasions throughout the past 8 years. She just moved here so I met up. It's amazing how you can meet up with someone that you don't know super well, but everything clicks. The three of us had an amazing afternoon of just talking, laughing, and relaxing. It was actually really, really nice. Sometimes, it can be so hard to find people who share the same beliefs in life as you and are really just about living every day. Sounds weird, but it's kind of rare. Their good energy resonated with mine and I'm really looking forward to this friendship with them in the future.
Alaina moved here earlier this week. Alaina and I were friends at Wayne State. We were in shows together at the Bonstelle, and also shared the same African Dance class. She is a great energy to be around and I can always count on laughing a lot with her. I haven't really talked to her in the past couple of years, but I'm really glad she reached out to me when she moved here. She's a great actress and an extremely driven individual. She's leaving some of her stuff at my place while she apt searches. Luckily for her, though, she was able to transfer to the Red Lobster here in LA. So, she has a job after only a few days. NICE. When you're meant to be somewhere, it works out.
I picked up Crystal from the airport on Wednesday; she's in town just for the weekend...leaving today actually. We spent the car ride catching up on things. It was so nice to be hanging out with her again. Thursday I met up with her and her friend, Jayson, at a restaurant for dinner and drinks. It was such a great time, and here's why. We talked about everything. Of successes, of trials, of tribulations, of obstacles, of breakthroughs. Jayson is also an actor, and is now currently a co-star on a tv show. However, it took him a bit to get there. I already knew Crystal's story, but Jayson told me his. It was so nice to have someone just open up about probably one of the hardest parts of his lives. It was nice to hear, and sort of reassuring...if you believe it, you can do it. A lot of times, it's luck, but most of it is your heart. He was discussing this acting class that he was taking with this brilliant woman, and it sounded so similar to the things we did at Studio 5 that I absolutely loved. It was all about developing and honing in more on the imagination to create the character and the environment. He's supposed to give me more info on it...and as soon as I have a little extra cash, I'm signing up. What's amazing about this, is that a lot of people, and even actors, look at this type of class and kind of shrug it off. What they don't realize is that you need to have an expansive imagination, as well as the ability to tap into it, to make your acting incredible. If you believe it, the audience will believe it. This is a group of actors that I have found that believe in the same things I do, love the idea of amazing acting and continuously shaping your craft, and the ideal of doing more than the best you can do. These are the type of people I need to surround myself around as actors, and I have. Such an amazing evening.
On the contrary to the previous paragraph, you'd find it remarkable how many people move out here to be actors because they're pretty or beautiful. What people don't realize is that acting isn't just something you jump into; it's an actual profession. There's a lot that is involved with it. Mind you, these people may be cast because of their looks, but will their careers still be around in 50 years? Who's to say? What I do know, is that you get out of it what you put into it, like I say about anything. Fame and fortune shouldn't be the reason you act...you should be doing it because it is the one thing that you cannot see yourself living without.
I received a text from Whitney yesterday saying that she and Marnie talked to the new marketing directors at The Hallmark to find a way to bring me back for the second performance of "Tuesdays at 4" in March. They're currently working it out. How amazing is that?! I almost started crying because of the generosity and pure love of this project that everyone has now, and the belief in it. I don't know if I had mentioned this before, but after our first performance, we got asked to do a performance at NYU's Rusk Institute. So, they're in preparation for this performance. Obviously, I would love to be there, but finances are kind of holding me back. However, now, I may be able to go. We will see, and time will tell. What an amazing journey this will be, though. At this same exact time, I received a facebook message from a friend saying he is going to be working with a company in a few months that works a lot with the major studios and will try to help me in any way he can. It's amazing how people want to reach out and help in any way they can...I guess with sending out good energy, you must get good energy back in return. I try not to emit negative energy or thoughts...I mean, all it does is get in the way of what you're doing, what other people are doing, and just make for a miserable time for all. Why not smile, and fill someone with joy or happiness...such a better way to live.
When I first moved to California, the self confidence I had built within myself was sort of waning. It was sort of pushed down and concealed. It took me a bit, but I'm now at a good place with my self confidence again. Not just in acting, but in anything. I believe in myself. I believe in the things that I say, the disagreements that I make, the choices I make. That's such a big thing and a huge part of what makes each of individuals. I also cannot take on other roles if I don't first understand who I am or believe in myself. If I don't believe in myself, how can I believe in someone else/a character? Exactly. I'm continuing on the right path and I'm extremely excited about it.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Another Opening, Another Day
It's hard to believe that my first LA Opening Night has already come and gone...but what a great opening it was. The house was packed with an eager and excited audience. Throughout the play, you could feel how engaged the audience was - their silence, their laughter, their undivided attention. It was like a mutual hunger between audience and actor that was now being fed. Then, as quickly as it started, the show came to an end, with loud applause and cheers.
After the show, people came up to me to tell me I did really great work, etc. What was different about this than what has happened before after shows, is that the audience members sought me out. Yes, they weaved through the crowd of theatre goers, to come up to me and tell me just how much they enjoyed performance. Then, recounting memorable moments for them and moments that made them laugh. I was actually thanked by one person for bringing those characters to life on stage. Someone else told me that the energy I brought to the stage made it a joy to watch and that my stage presence was amazing. I'm not even going to pretend to lie, I was blown away by the audience response to my performance. I knew everyone would love the show because it's amazing, but I've never made this kind of an impact before. It's a really, truly great feeling - especially because this was the most challenging show I've been in (as stated before), and I am most proud of the work I've put into it. It was an excellent opening night, and I am thrilled and excited to see what the next 5 shows bring.
It's really amazing how you may feel one way about a certain thing about yourself, but everyone else feels another. It took me a long time to actually get comfortable with being an actor. I knew that I had the talent. I knew that I had the drive. However, I did not have the most important key - confidence. If an actor does not have confidence in himself, then he will not succeed to his fullest potential. His doubts will shine through through his conversations, his auditions, his acting; it will be like a beacon of light saying "believe in me, but I don't really believe in myself." It doesn't work that way. Living in New York, studying at Studio 5, being in the shows that I was in there, establishing myself as an individual, have all helped me gain confidence in myself, my acting, my abilities, and my life, in general. Since that has happened, I don't have the same reactions I used to have in college after shows by some people - the "congratulations" in a mock smile, or the avoidance of eye contact so as not to have to tell you the truth. I wish I could go back and instill the old me with what I have now...but, it's all a learning experience, right? You're supposed to grow. You're supposed to deal with the bad to get to the good. I mean, if I wasn't meant to be doing this craft, then I wouldn't be consistently moving forward with it. That alone should say something.
Yesterday was the perfect lazy day...the perfect day to have a bbq and a beer on a patio with some friends...I worked, though, so that didn't happen. However, I did enjoy the sun at the beginning of the day. Today, I don't work until this evening, so after this blog entry, I'll be showering and then heading down to the beach for the day. Why not? It's supposed to be 79 and sunny. 79 and sunny in January? Yes, please. For everyone that thought that California would not be right for me...you could not have been more wrong in so many ways. I have only been here for two and a half months, and I already feel like I'm not new. Yes, there are a lot of things I still don't know, but I feel like I fit in here so much faster and so much easier that New York. I made my way there, yes, by scratching and clawing every step of the way. I'm not saying I'm not doing that here either, but it's as if I am swimming downstream with the current...I'm in the right place doing what I am supposed to be doing working at the place I'm supposed to be working at....all at the right time. It's a beautiful thing when you listen to your instincts and then you feel at one and at home with the results.
After the show, people came up to me to tell me I did really great work, etc. What was different about this than what has happened before after shows, is that the audience members sought me out. Yes, they weaved through the crowd of theatre goers, to come up to me and tell me just how much they enjoyed performance. Then, recounting memorable moments for them and moments that made them laugh. I was actually thanked by one person for bringing those characters to life on stage. Someone else told me that the energy I brought to the stage made it a joy to watch and that my stage presence was amazing. I'm not even going to pretend to lie, I was blown away by the audience response to my performance. I knew everyone would love the show because it's amazing, but I've never made this kind of an impact before. It's a really, truly great feeling - especially because this was the most challenging show I've been in (as stated before), and I am most proud of the work I've put into it. It was an excellent opening night, and I am thrilled and excited to see what the next 5 shows bring.
It's really amazing how you may feel one way about a certain thing about yourself, but everyone else feels another. It took me a long time to actually get comfortable with being an actor. I knew that I had the talent. I knew that I had the drive. However, I did not have the most important key - confidence. If an actor does not have confidence in himself, then he will not succeed to his fullest potential. His doubts will shine through through his conversations, his auditions, his acting; it will be like a beacon of light saying "believe in me, but I don't really believe in myself." It doesn't work that way. Living in New York, studying at Studio 5, being in the shows that I was in there, establishing myself as an individual, have all helped me gain confidence in myself, my acting, my abilities, and my life, in general. Since that has happened, I don't have the same reactions I used to have in college after shows by some people - the "congratulations" in a mock smile, or the avoidance of eye contact so as not to have to tell you the truth. I wish I could go back and instill the old me with what I have now...but, it's all a learning experience, right? You're supposed to grow. You're supposed to deal with the bad to get to the good. I mean, if I wasn't meant to be doing this craft, then I wouldn't be consistently moving forward with it. That alone should say something.
Yesterday was the perfect lazy day...the perfect day to have a bbq and a beer on a patio with some friends...I worked, though, so that didn't happen. However, I did enjoy the sun at the beginning of the day. Today, I don't work until this evening, so after this blog entry, I'll be showering and then heading down to the beach for the day. Why not? It's supposed to be 79 and sunny. 79 and sunny in January? Yes, please. For everyone that thought that California would not be right for me...you could not have been more wrong in so many ways. I have only been here for two and a half months, and I already feel like I'm not new. Yes, there are a lot of things I still don't know, but I feel like I fit in here so much faster and so much easier that New York. I made my way there, yes, by scratching and clawing every step of the way. I'm not saying I'm not doing that here either, but it's as if I am swimming downstream with the current...I'm in the right place doing what I am supposed to be doing working at the place I'm supposed to be working at....all at the right time. It's a beautiful thing when you listen to your instincts and then you feel at one and at home with the results.
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