Going back to the beginning

Sometimes you have to go back to where you started to get a clearer vision of your purpose, and to start over.  Subconsciously, I headed in this direction today.  I’m currently sitting at the Starbucks on Melrose typing this.  This was the Starbucks right by my first apartment on the West Coast.  This was the place that I spent hours at refining my acting and work resumes, submitting myself to auditions, and ultimately trying to find my place in this new big city I wanted to call home.  I haven’t sat here since I moved away from that apartment.  However, emotions and memories are now flooding back into my mind.  A determination, a drive, a relentlessness to pursue my dreams and welcome success.  No dream was too big.  Money would come…somehow.  I was naïve, yet not; I was skilled and prepared.  

Throughout the past two years, I’ve faltered, I’ve fallen, I’ve lost my way.  However, I have also picked myself up, I have risen, and I have overcome crazy obstacles that have been on my path.  I would say that I was lost at times, but I would counter that by saying that I always had hope and faith that things will work out.  I still do.

You know those breakthrough moments we get where it seems as if the clouds have parted and the lights of God shine down between them (we all know that specific image I am talking about).  Yea, well, I had that moment this morning.  I had a God light moment.  Shockingly, it happened after spending all morning preparing my tax paperwork.  Normally, I would be stressed and annoyed.  Instead, I was enlightened and excited.  It was as if I didn’t know the next step to take for so long and all of a sudden everything sort of made sense.

The past month has been a crazy one; a roller coaster that would definitely send one screaming because of the loops and the sheer speed of it.  Well, at the end of it, I found my way.  I was along for the ride for most of it, but I finally feel as though it’s slowing down enough for me to take in a bit of the view around me.  It’s kind of exciting to think about the journey and the steps needed to be taken to tread on its path…which leads me back to the beginning few sentences – starting back at the beginning.  I knew what I needed to do when I first moved out here.  However the issues overtook my ability to pursue them.  So, two years of living and learning later, I am ready to take those steps.  I have built a confidence in myself and my craft that I did not have before.  I’ve created a family and support group in a whole new place.  I’ve gained a whole creative force of artist friends that are with me for the ride and always ready to create.  

I’m thankful that I have been given so many gifts in my life; one being life, itself.  I am very thankful that I have the ability to take in everything around me and allow it to influence me in some way – always learning.

Why did I write this?  So that if you feel lost or broken, that you can maybe go back to the beginning, reflect, and maybe your next step will appear.  I mean, we’re all in this together, right?