Sometimes, all it takes is a walk to remind us of our true purpose, and bring us back to the path that we are treading in life. Everyday we are faced with failures, opportunities, love, hate, positivity, negativity, and everyday we decide which facets take a hold on our day, on our life. It's been said that we are our harshest critic, which may be true. How far do you have to be criticized, though, to find yourself lying in bed facing a wall without the will to get up and embrace the world. How many negative thoughts need to be directed your way before you curl up in a ball and cry? How many people have to stomp on your dreams to bring you to a place of hopeless reality? The problem is that this outward hostility goes unnoticed and unaware by the person emitting such negativity.
I find myself to be a relatively strong individual. I wear my "armor" when I leave my home to take on the day. I strive to be positive and loving to anyone I may cross paths with. I flash a smile to those passing by, I say hello to someone I may or may not know; I acknowledge. I, however, don't always get the same in return. I get sneers, I get "why are you so happy?", I get looks of surprise for saying a simple "hello." What's wrong with this picture? I work in the customer service industry, and sometimes, people just come in ready for a fight or they are not willing to allow your sincerity to cross into their own lives. That's fine. I'm not saying this because I want something in return. I'm mentioning this because some days, it hits closer to home, and because of my vulnerability, it may affect me differently and really bring me down...as is what happened this weekend.
There was no specific instance. There was no one person. There were plenty of people who were super sweet to me, actually. I, however, had gotten sick. Whatever was going around, I finally caught it. Nothing crazy, but enough to make me feel lethargic, my throat like sandpaper, and my nose like a constant drip from a broken faucet that just won't be fixed. Needless to say, I did not go out with my armor on. I did an excellent job of not allowing my true feelings to show when in public, however, if the walls of my bedroom could talk, they would tell a different story. I was so mean to myself. Criticizing myself for every little thing - from my weight to my hair, my looks, my face, my clothes, my talent, my decisions, and even going so far as to making myself think I'm not worthy enough to have the friends I have. WHAT?! That's so not me. What happened?! I allowed myself to fall to the wayside.
I went for a hike this morning to "clear my head," as I do any time I feel I am in a weird place. My thoughts flowed, the endorphins took over, the sun shone on my skin, and my positivity began returning. My reasoning and justification behind each decision I have made for myself made sense. Everything I have done and decided to do has helped build me who I am today. I am not unworthy to be in anyone's presence, least of all, my friends. I have been there for them, and they there for me. Friendships are not defined by money, career, social status, or intelligence, but more-so by a bond, an unexplainable connection that has brought you together, to make each other better. Each day is a stepping stone on this path, a part of the journey. I find myself often looking toward a destination and forgetting to take in this journey every now and then. It's moments like this morning that I need to remind me to make that time for a friend, to make that time to go for a hike, to make that time to soak up the sun. Every day is a gift.
This past weekend was a roller coaster ride of emotions with a smooth finish. It was a lesson in life that I have passed with an A. I share this with you so that if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, that you will go outside, breathe in some fresh air, and take a walk. You will be reacquainted with who you are, and your heart will be able to speak to you once again without the clouded judgment of a gray and negative atmosphere.
Take a walk. Live life. Enjoy the journey.
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