Life is funny, isn't it?

It's fascinating the cards that life deals you. Is it fate? Is it predetermined? Does everything happen for reason? And in turn, directly affect something else that happens later in life? Sort of like a stepping stone, if you will? I, personally, feel things happen for a reason - people we meet, experiences we encounter, skills we learn; they're all there to make us grow.

I spent the last two years living in New York City. A year and a half of that was working with seniors. That's not what I moved there to do; I'm an actor. I needed a job. A lifeguarding position came up; I applied, and I got the job. Yet, it became so much for me than that...because I enjoyed it. I became friends with people who told the most amazing (and true!) stories and have lived the most extraordinary lives. By listening to their tales of love, of misfortune, of pain, of joy, of daring; I began to respect life more. I began to take in more of it. I appreciated this sometimes mistaken and forgotten generation, and tried to gain as much as I could from them. I've always been told I have an old soul, as well as a warm one, but I never really knew what that meant...and I don't know if I still do...and that's ok. You don't need to understand everything in life; you just need to be able to live it.

I bring this up because I feel like I have been fighting forces to find a job. I'm a newbie in a large city; having only a few friends physically present for support and comfort when I'm down. As I pursue my acting career, I still need something in the meantime to provide me the financial support to live. I have been spending the past few weeks, from the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep, applying for jobs. I would like to say this is an exaggeration, however that would be a lie. Whether I am applying for jobs online, or walking into restaurants and retails stores to submit my applications and resume, it has been a full time (and let me add -exhausting) job...a nonpaying one at that. However, sometimes, you just have to step aside and look at what talents you possess already and build off of those...even better if it is something you enjoy doing, even if it isn't necessarily your career choice. For me, this is working with seniors. Of all the jobs I applied for, the only two that got back to me were for work with seniors. Maybe my cover letters had a little more enthusiasm? Maybe they could feel my warm energy through the e-mails? Or maybe, it's just my calling at the moment. I don't know. What I do know, is that I am thankful that these came up. As I said, there is a lot that I have learned from my seniors in New York, but maybe there's still a lot more that I need to learn about this generation. I'm always eager to listen, to learn, and to better myself.

To relish in the happier state I was in, I decided to treat myself to dinner instead of making one of my (am I being pretentious if I use "amazing" as my adjective here?) salads. I opted for this Thai restaurant I attended a few weeks ago with my roommate over on Santa Monica Blvd., not too far away from my apartment. I walked in and the host asked "to go...or seating for one?". I literally stood there for about oh, three seconds, and stared at him inquisitively...all while pondering this simple question. (Oh, the difficult questions in life.) I opted to stay. I found a lovely, and rather lonely looking, table in the front corner of the quaint restaurant right next to the front window. I scooted on in to the bench and gently placed my hand on the menu and said to the waiter in a comforting tone, "I know what I want," and then I ordered my chicken pad see ew and glass of water. This turned out to be a peaceful, and actually relaxing, meal. I have not gone out to eat by myself in a while and I forgot how much I truly enjoyed it. There's a sense of freedom that comes with it, a sense of confidence, of contentment, that comes with the simplicity of eating alone. By the end of the meal, as well as the last verse of "That's All" that was playing overhead, I was refreshed, relaxed, and ready to take on anything. Amazing, right? Have you ever gone to a restaurant and eaten by yourself? It's strange, but so many people have an issue with it and feel self conscious about it. I highly recommend it to anyone and everyone. Just breathe in, breathe out, relax, and enjoy the meal, the ambiance, your thoughts, the music. Take in what's around you. Ask yourself questions you don't usually ask yourself. Be daring. Be bold. Be you. And to that - I toast you.