Art.

Nothing compares to the love of the art. Nothing. I've tried. Nothing can compare to the feeling that art evokes; that it inspires; that it divulges. It may or may not be a simplistic piece that ultimately can change everything. Beautiful. Ugly. Doesn't matter. Subjective/Objective opinions. The thing is: it exists.

Throughout the past week, I've had more conversations or experiences with art than I have in a few months...maybe even since I was in New York. It's thrilling, enlightening, and inspirational. Sometimes, through conversation, you find our or realize someone else's talents or potential - exciting. Other times, you are able to share your thoughts or feelings about a specific piece - whether an actual piece of art, theatre, movie, or song - these types of discussions are thrilling and moving.

I've found out through the past year that I may have so many more talents beneath the surface than I ever could have imagined...and not because I noticed them, but because outside sources told me and made me acknowledge them. That's a good thing. I embraced. I said "yes." And I allowed them to come to fruition...as much as I could. However, now I am at a place where all of these different talents are trying to escape, to emerge, and it's a bit overwhelming because I don't even know where to begin. I feel like I'm living the life of an artist - my room has papers with notes, sentences, song lyrics, a word - written them. Scattered around, in piles, on top of clothes, coffee mugs, books. They may mean nothing to someone else - or even me - but at the same time, they're all inspiration. Inspiration that was taken and jotted down...I may not use it today, tomorrow, or even this year, but one day I will...and maybe one day I won't, but if I don't write it down, it never even has the chance to exist.

My issue with these realizations is that I feel as though I have too many eggs in one basket...and more are being added everyday. I gladly accept. Though, I am an organizational and sometimes anal person that likes things orderly, and I tend to overanalyze. This ball of creativity that keeps building inside needs to be let out...somehow; I just need to find the correct avenue to express it and allow it to exist...and I will...and it will. Time.

I just watched the video of the last performance of "Rent" on Broadway. Amazing. The acting was phenomenal. The pure passion was oozing from the pores of each person on stage. I love it. There is nothing better in the world than that feeling. I have my own closing night on Friday - of "Shudder." This show has been such a thrill and a journey for me. It has really opened me up to become a better actor, to explore realms I never dreamed existed, and to make friends I never would have had otherwise. It's always a sad, and yet exciting event -closing night. Sad, because, for this show inparticular, we have been together since November and will have had ten performances together. We've become this family and relies on each other for support and helps each other out - on and off the stage. We've become an ensemble. And THAT is why it has resonated with every single audience member that has seen the show. THAT is why people still remember and quote certain lines, certain scenes. I was at an event last night and someone had seen the show and he said his favorite line was "I'm just a man on a wagon;" one that I had said...he saw it Opening Night. This may not seem like a big deal, but he saw the show over two months ago and still remembers exactly what I said and how I said it? It was the commitment that went along with my character and line that made him laugh, that made him remember, and that made him quote it back to me two months after first hearing it. THAT is why we do theatre: because it effects people - in whatever form it may be...which brings me to: Exciting - Closing night is exciting because it is a springboard and a send off for all of us to go out, try something else, and inspire and effect people in other forms and ways. It's a chance to embrace another challenge that lies ahead, to explore and discover, and to overcome the obstacles with unimaginable and indiscernible results. It's sad, yet exciting.

Last night was the closest the moon has been to the earth in 18 years. It was bright. It was full. Today it is raining an inch an hour in Los Angeles. Life is ever constant, ever changing.